Stop or My Mom Will Shoot Up

Sylvester Stallone, remembered as the less-beloved half of Tango & Cash, told reporters recently that fame is like a drug:

Success and fame are as addictive as heroin unless you have a very stable home life. … Think about the world as a candy shop and you don’t have to pay. You know what happens when you eat too much candy; it affects your work and whatever made you special is gone.

Stallone then tied off his pock-marked arm with a rubber tube and injected pure success into his collapsed veins while packing a bowl of fame into his skull-shaped bong. “Do you have any idea,” he said as his eyes glazed over, “what it’s like to go from a doing a speedball of Rocky III and Rambo to turning tricks for Whoopi Goldberg in some alley for a dime bag of An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn? It ain’t pretty, lemme tell you.”

Stallone then draped an American flag-beach towel around himself and mumbled, “If I can change… and you can change… everybody can change!” as a drug-induced hallucination of Mikhail Gorbachev stood and applauded.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 12th, 2007 at 5:11 pm and is filed under Celebriwhores, Drugs, Idiots. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.