Breaking News: Spears Family Circus Stalls at Three
Despite previous rumors to the contrary, Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears’ manager, has announced that the singer, actress and walking petri dish is not currently pregnant. Rudolph believes the rumors began when Spears’ new boy-toy, Isaac Cohen, spilled peanut butter on his shirt last week, which reporters mistook for Brit-vomit:
“Because Isaac didn’t lick the peanut butter off his fingers, someone decided that it must not be peanut butter, but must instead be Britney’s vomit,” Rudolph joked. “Ridiculous.”
Ridiculous, indeed—after all, what starry-eyed hip-hoppin’ Jewish beau wouldn’t give his last hoodie to lick Britney’s vomit off his fingers? Peanut butter, on the other hand—that’s just disgusting.
This news does call into question the recent statement from an anonymous friend that “… she always gets that sparkle in her eye when she’s pregnant, like she’s relaxed and happy.” When asked about the quote, Rudolph confirmed that the sparkle was actually due to a pink-eye infection Britney picked up after using a mascara bottle found in Paris Hilton’s bathroom garbage, which was later discovered to be athlete’s foot medication.
(Hat tip to IDontLikeYouInThatWay.)
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on Thursday, January 18th, 2007 at 5:48 pm and is filed under Babies, Celebriwhores, Food.
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January 19th, 2007 02:04
It is impossible to spill peanut butter. It is stuck in a jar and can only be removed with your hand or some utensil.
January 19th, 2007 18:18
ZING! Take that, Britney’s manager!
January 21st, 2007 12:21
how do u spill peanut butter
January 21st, 2007 20:16
yeah, peanut butter just doesn’t spill out of a container-its too solid.
p.s. Britney needs a new manager