A Wing and a Prayer

A woman receiving inpatient care at the Promises Clinic in California caused a stir at the mental-health facility yesterday when she asked to have an entire wing of the clinic to herself.

The patient, one Britney Spears of Malibu, is currently undergoing treatment for… well, for being herself, but apparently refuses to interact with any other residents of the facility:

Spears, who was admitted to [the clinic] last Tuesday and re-admitted again on Thursday after checking herself out the day before, doesn’t want to mix with other patients… An insider told British newspaper The Sun, “She wants all the rooms on her wing. It will cost her hundreds of thousands (of dollars).”

In addition to privacy, the patient asked for the following provisions, which, she assured the staff, are essential to her continuing recovery:

• A jacuzzi filled with Dom Perignon
• Outpatient privileges for the occasional barefoot stroll through a rest-stop toilet
• An adorable little dog-in-a-bag, with both dog and bag destroyed and replaced after each “accident”
• A nightly bedtime story read by a Nobel Laureate (but not V. S. Naipaul or Harold Pinter), with funny voices
• A mattress filled with gazillion-dollar bills
• A television in each room, showing a constant loop of Crossroads, Britney & Kevin: Chaotic, and DuckTales
• An endless supply of gold-plated barf-bags
• Constant compliments from the staff on her “long, luxurious hair”
• Daily updates on the best entries in the “America’s Bald Sweetheart” Caption Contest
• A portion of each day set aside for lessons with her Kabbalah instructor, Rabbi Art Garfunkel
• Absolutely no mention of the genocide in Darfur, a topic she finds deeply disturbing
• Pounds upon pounds of awesome drugs

This entry was posted on Monday, February 26th, 2007 at 3:19 pm and is filed under Celebriwhores, Drugs, Gazillionaires, Weird Shit. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.