Dumping by Woods on a Ho-ey Evening
Actor James Woods, 59, and his girlfriend Ashley Madison, 20, have reportedly called it quits. Woods, the star of the self-produced docudrama How I Almost Prevented 9/11, was apparently disgusted by Madison’s insensitivity:
Woods’ friend Scott Sandler tells the New York Daily News that Madison showed up for [Woods' brother's funeral] dressed “in a 3-inch miniskirt and chain-smoking.”
Adds Sandler, “She’s the anti-Christ. She truly has the soul of a moth and the brain of a dead trout.”
Further reasons for Woods’ rejection of Madison allegedly include:
- Her failure to attend his 40th birthday party due to a nasty case of diaper rash
- The discovery of a birth certificate showing that her name was actually not Ashley Madison, but the much more ethnic “Madison Ashley”
- Her continuous and disgusting attempts to have sexual intercourse with Woods, in spite of his being a billion years old and looking like James Woods
- Her crippling addiction to snorting Woods’ Efferdent tablets
- Accidentally but repeatedly calling Woods “Dad” during romantic moments
- The results of a medical exam which confirmed that Madison had not only the soul of a moth and the brain of a dead trout, but also the breasts of Tara Reid and the ass of Roger Ebert
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, April 25th, 2007 at 4:06 pm and is filed under Celebriwhores, Douchebags, Oldy McOldies, S-E-X.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
