Say Hello to My Spam Filter…

Oh why didn’t we know about Slate’s action movie one-liner contest? Their readers came up with some good ones (”Consider this negative eBay feedback.”) but had we known in time we might have spent the better portion of the week crafting the most perfect in-your-face, drop-dead-cool action hero taglines of the 21st century – the kind of instant quotables that would make God himself spit out his popcorn and shout, “DAMN!” at the movie screen.

But we slept right through the whole thing, then spent an hour dicking around with these gems. Cherish them.

Control… Alt… Destroy

I CAN HAS KILLBURGER NOW?

Spoiler Alert! You die.

It’s my vengeance in a box.

REPLY ALL, BITCHES!!

Congratulations. You’re still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Murder Victim.

Subway–Eat death.

Someone alert Gawker – you’re about to be spotted in Hell.

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, KILL.

Like a “dogs fucking people” Google search, you’re about to get a lot of hits.

Guess you’re going to miss the Spice Girls reunion.

Tempting, but I think you’re going to die. Thank you, as always, John Warner.

I’m gonna hit you so hard your Second Life character is gonna feel it.

Looks like my foot just found your ass on match.com

ROFD

Drink THIS in, Powder. [machine gun sfx]

On the charge of you being alive in ten seconds, I the jury find you… Not Guilty!

Love is a battlefield.

Dad is great… gives us the chocolate death.

Goonies never say die. But you’re no Goonie.

I’ll half what she’s halving.

Your ass is a dish best served kicked!

You’re Tony Soprano and I’m an artsy fade to black.

Death: it’s what’s for dinner!

Video killed the radio star, and now I’m going to kill you.

They say Eskimos have a hundred words for snow. You’re about to have a thousand words for “ouch.”

Here’s a little number I like to call, “Killing You Softly With This Bomb.”

I just got the new issue of VICE. Your existence was listed as a ‘don’t.”

Your development is arrested.

Klaatu, barada, nikto, motherfucker.

(Nokia ringtone:) Dee de doo doo, Dee de doo doo, Dee de doo dooo Die!”

(Upon breaking a bad guy’s neck) Oh, snap!!

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