Cheney Defends America Against Terrorists, First Amendment

Vice President Dick Cheney scolded the New York Times yesterday for reporting on the government’s secret tracking of people’s financial records. Cheney said that the program was vital to national security and has helped kept America safe since 9/11.

“Publishing this highly classified information about our sources and methods for collecting intelligence will enable the terrorists to look for ways to defeat our efforts,” Cheney said.

Cheney went on to suggest that future attacks on United States soil could be a result of the Times’ disclosure of the government’s surveillance programs.

“The New York Times should focus their efforts elsewhere,” Cheney added. “Perhaps its Editor-in-Chief William Keller should spend less time playing online Sudoku—he has an outstanding bill of $37.19 from superdupersudoku.com—and more time reporting on how we’re spreading freedom through the Middle East. Maybe columnist Frank Rich should take time out from his shopping sprees at Chess King—he spent $482.05 there just last Wednesday—and instead write a column about how we’re winning the war.”

When asked by Sheryl Gay Stolberg, a Times reporter, about the charges that his former chief of staff, Lewis Libby, leaked national security information to the New York Times, Cheney replied, “You really want to go there, Sheryl? Because I don’t think you want to what with you behind in your membership dues to Weight Watchers and all. Why don’t you go get yourself a milkshake and come back with a better question.”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 27th, 2006 at 8:43 am and is filed under America!, Business, Douchebags, Politics, Terrorism, War. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.