Amber Alert
“Actress” Amber Valletta, prominently featured in such classics as Max Keeble’s Big Move, Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story, Transporter 2, Le Transporteur II, the upcoming Transporter 3: Transport Harder With a Vengeance!, and the stack of catalogs hidden under my bed, has reportedly checked herself into a rehab clinic:
Valletta has entered rehab for “work stress, image issues” and nonsubstance-related addiction, according to a close source.
And what, pray tell, is this “nonsubstance-related” addiction, you may ask? Since Junkquiring minds want to know, our crack investigative team has unearthed the following list of possibile things Amber Valletta may actually be addicted to:
- Love
- Bonhomie
- Joie de’vivre
- A certain Je ne sais quois (but possibly heroin)
- Thumb-biting
- Helping people die with
heroindignity - Wrinkles
- Chess
- Ennui
- Joie de’vomite
- Toe fungus-cream fumes
- Solving complex nonlinear equations without the use of a calculator
- Hackey-sack
- Surviving Nugent marathons
- P. G. Wodehouse’s “Jeeves” series
- Bizarre Japanese root vegetable porn
- Joie de’heroine
- Intensive laboratory study of the molecular structure of certain common chemicals such as heroin
- “Acting”
- Witty retorts
- The idea of heroin
This entry was posted
on Thursday, August 24th, 2006 at 2:07 pm and is filed under Celebriwhores, Drugs.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
