There’s No Such Thing as a Suri Thing
Leah Remini, well known as the better half of one of the more egregious examples of the “hot chick with total schlub” TV-couple-paradigm, has been vigorously defending the normality of the love-child which her pal and brother-in-Hubbard Tom Cruise recently fathered with his Stockholm Syndrome-afflicted reproductive vessel Katie Holmes:
“I don’t understand the craziness. She c**ps in her diaper, she pees in her diaper, she sleeps, she wakes up every couple of hours…”
And so does the baby! Ba dump bump!
“…this is what babies do. There’s nothing abnormal about Suri.”
Remini went on to say, “She’s a totally, totally normal, human baby. She is absolutely human. A human female child, as human as you or me or her devoted guardian and wet-nurse Qanthørx the Destructor. She has a head, arms, some legs, a, uh, mouth, and she definitely does not have tentacles, any kind of exoskeleton, or what could only be described as a prehensile vagina. Totally human.”
After visiting the extremely human baby, Remini was rushed to the hospital to receive treatment for giant, oozing green welts on her arms and legs, which she would refer to only as “love bites.”
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August 30th, 2006 13:37
[...] Tom Cruise and his indentured concubine Katie Holmes have decided to memorialize a milestone in the development of their “totally human” child, Suri—by casting the results of her first bowel movement in bronze: “… A baby’s first meal of solid food may be a baby’s first meal at the dinner table,” said David Kesting, the director of Capla Kesting Fine Art, located in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg gallery district. “A bronzed cast of baby’s first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family.” [...]