The Straight Talk Express made a stop in Awkwardtown, Iowa, when presidential hopeful John McCain couldn’t decide how to answer a question about funding contraception to prevent AIDS.
Mr. McCain: â€œI havenâ€™t thought about it. Before I give you an answer, let me think about. Let me think about it a little bit because I never got a question about it before. I donâ€™t know if I would use taxpayersâ€™ money for it.â€
Q: â€œWhat about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bushâ€™s policy, which is just abstinence?â€
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) â€œAhhh. I think I support the presidentâ€™s policy.â€
Q: â€œSo no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?â€
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) â€œYouâ€™ve stumped me.â€
Q: â€œI mean, I think youâ€™d probably agree it probably does help stop it?â€
Mr. McCain: (Laughs) â€œAre we on the Straight Talk express? Iâ€™m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, Iâ€™m sure Iâ€™ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception â€“ Iâ€™m sure Iâ€™m opposed to government spending on it, Iâ€™m sure I support the presidentâ€™s policies on it.â€
The Straight Talk Express was held for emergency repairs at Pandering Junction, while engineers tried to determine the source of a foul odor. “Smells like bullshit to me,” commented one passenger. With time to kill, McCain took in a matinee of the new Chris Rock movie, I Think I Love My Wife. His staff is scrambling to discover his views on the film, but have assured us that they are completely in line with the President’s.