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Archive for the 'Killer Attack Anistons' Category

A Very JUNKINESS Christmas Takes Sides

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006

While some of you are appalled at the “new Britney,” complete with anatomically direct photos of B-Spayed’s lady business, others find it a charming return to her slutty beginnings. We at JUNKINESS want to help you find gifts for everyone on your list, so we’ve taken this totally stolen idea to it’s raunchy extreme.

TEAM BRITNEY vs TEAM BRITNEY’S VAGINA

More of a call-it-like-you-see-it kinda gal? Get right to the point:

“Publicity Cunt” Undies Set

See also: POPOZAO ’08
HO HO HO BAG
I [SPACESHIP] SCIENTOLOGY.
Coming soon: 7 more stuffings for your stockings!

This Turkey Smells Like Bullshit

Thursday, November 30th, 2006

Between TV, newspapers, magazines and reputable websites, it can be pretty hard to sift through all the news out there and figure out what’s actually true in this world. That’s why we prefer to get our scoops from blogspot gossip sites that don’t link to sources. After all, where else would we learn this:

[A] Thanksgiving dinner at Aniston’s home somehow managed to happen after Brad’s parents came to visit their son in Malibu without knowing he was in India filming “A Mighty Heart” with Angelina.

Jennifer’s friend Tonya Hart said: “Jen was just coming to Brad’s rescue. His folks bought the tickets ages ago. Jennifer thought she was doing good, but apparently it’s whipped up a hornet’s nest with Angelina.”

If that wasn’t shocking enough, we heard that after the dinner, Brad’s mom and dad used a payphone and there was an AIDS needle on it!

Luckily they forwarded an email from Bill Gates to all their friends, so they got good luck and a million dollars!

Hitler’s Bunker Was Booked

Monday, October 30th, 2006

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are rumored to be planning to have their wedding at fascist Italian dictator Benito Mussolini’s house:

Holmes visited wedding venues in the lakes region of northern Italy following her Parisian shopping trip with new pal Victoria Beckham earlier this month. British newspaper Daily Express claims Holmes has fallen for the exclusive Villa Feltrinelli hotel, which is where Mussolini was based during [World War II].

Not to be outdone, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have booked Pol Pot’s palace, and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are considering getting married at The White House.

The Breakup: A Documentary?

Friday, August 25th, 2006

Rumor has it, that not only is Jennier Aniston not enraged engaged, she’s single.

Star Magazine reports that Vince Vaughn gave Jen the ol’ TTFN and hit the road.

“Jen is trying to put on a bold front, insisting that there was never a great romance between them,’ says a source close to the duo. “But what’s really bugging her is that people will start calling her ‘Poor Jen’ again. That’s why she got her publicist and Courtney Cox Arquette to deny that she and Vince were ever engaged. She’s desperate to downplay their relationship.”

If you’re going to believe anyone, believe Courtney Cox Arquette. I mean, if Courtney says Jen and Vince were never that involved, then they weren’t. And if Courtney says David Arquette isn’t a retarded half-shaved orangutan with Attention Deficit Disorder, then that’s probably mostly true, too. Right?

Jennifer Aniston: ENRAGED!!!

Wednesday, August 9th, 2006

After spending nine romantic days vacationing on Joe Francis’s $25 million coastal retreat and driving school near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, Jennifer Aniston became enraged with boyfriend Vince Vaughn on a private Gulfstream jet as it landed in Los Angeles.

Vaughn reportedly is still fearful of the irate behavior of his girlfriend.

[A] friend of the couple’s tells Us, “Vince almost cries whenever he tells the story…”

I can’t think of anything that might upset her, other than the fact that Joe Francis owns a $25 million coastal retreat in Mexico. That’s kind of disturbing.

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