From EW.com:

Survivor’s Jeff Probst has created — and will host — a new reality pilot for CBS… The show, Live Like You’re Dying, will feature a person who has been given a terminal diagnosis with a finite amount of time to live and “take them on the last adventure of their life,” according to Probst.

“It could be playing guitar with Eric Clapton or jumping out of a plane into a volcano,” Probst explained to EW.com. “Whatever it is that you’re still desiring to do in your life — we want to make it happen.”

Viewers hope that at least one person will live the adventure of canceling Survivor.

[via Videogum]

A surprise twist in an already surprising election, millionaire Thurston Howell, III, has publicly announced his support for Democratic candidate, Barack Obama.

A resident of Newport, Rhode Island and a Harvard graduate, Howell’s support of Obama’s campaign comes as a lethal blow to the McCain camp.

A McCain representative seemed unphased, stating, “It’s probably just because he’s black.”

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann takes McCain to school re: his hurt feelings over campaign mudslinging.

Olbermann makes Sam Kinison look like Steven Wright.

[Clip via WLAMTA]

The CW series Veronica Mars was canceled this year during it’s third season due to low ratings. Apparently, not enough viewers were buying into the idea of a young, hip, smart girl detective. Not to worry – at least one member of the cast has been selected for a new private investigator series with a much more believable lead.

Jason Dohring is back this fall in the new CBS drama “Moonlight.” From Joel Silver and the creators of “Angel” and “Beauty and the Beast,” the series is about Mick St. John, a Los Angeles private investigator (Alex O’Loughlin) whose clients don’t know his dark secret – he’s a vampire.

The truly ironic part is that I’d believe in vampires long before I’d buy into the idea that anyone would admit to the name Mick St. John.

In yet another sign that the American system of government has gone deep down the rabbit-hole, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has cited the television show 24 as precedent in arguing for the legality of torture:

“Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. … He saved hundreds of thousands of lives,” Judge Scalia said. Then, recalling Season 2, where the agent’s rough interrogation tactics saved California from a terrorist nuke, the Supreme Court judge etched a line in the sand.
“Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?” Scalia challenged his fellow judges.

Following Scalia’s example, the Highest Court in the Land proceeded to hand down the following rulings utilizing the wisdom of television as a guide:

• Jesse’s addiction to “pep” pills noted in upholding stiff regulation of prescription drugs
• “B.J.” from B.J. and the Bear and “Boner” from Growing Pains cited in FCC/obscenity decision
• Cpl. Klinger’s zany cross-dressing cited in upholding constitutionality of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
• Backward development of Mork’s son Merth noted before overturning partial-birth abortion ban (giant egg used as exhibit A)
• Papa Smurf’s benevolent leadership during vicious Gargamel/Azrael attack of ’85 cited in allowing suspension of habeus corpus
• Linda Hamilton’s relationship with the Beast detailed in reinstating anti-miscegenation laws
• That guy who played Murdock’s abuse of the holodeck to create erotic scenarios featuring Counselor Troi and Dr. Crusher used to justify internet pornography regulations
• Jewel’s hardships in Deadwood noted in ruling which allows stem cell research
• Geri’s triumphs in The Facts of Life noted in ruling which bans stem cell research
• Raj’s confession to Rerun that he had moved in on Dwayne’s girl in the “Hey Hey Hey” incident mentioned in allowing executive privilege to shield testimony
• Entire dissenting argument in Hamdi v. Rumsfeld found to be quoted from episode of Hogan’s Heroes
  
• Fonzie jumping the shark cited as evidence that the tradition of the rule of law in American jurisprudence has jumped the shark

When reached for comment in the afterlife, Justice Thurgood Marshall said, “The show’s had two black presidents. How much more obvious does it need to be that 24‘s a fantasy?”

Oh, the uproar of Sopranos fans has been loud and clear over the past few days as series creator David Chase has had some serious ‘splaining to do:

“No one was trying to be audacious, honest to God,” he adds. “We did what we thought we had to do. No one was trying to blow people’s minds or thinking, ‘Wow, this’ll (tick) them off.’

“People get the impression that you’re trying to (mess) with them, and it’s not true. You’re trying to entertain them.”

Before deciding on the no-tell ending, Chase entertained these alternate versions:

• Meadow wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette
• After failing to help a man in a robbery, Tony, Junior, Paulie and Janice are convicted for violation of the “Good Samaritan” law
• Tony arranges the skulls of everyone he’s killed to spell out “GOODBYE“
• Turns out the entire state of New Jersey exists only in the imagination of an austistic child
• IT’S A COOKBOOK!
• Tony Soprano is killed in the library with a pipe by Colonel Mustard

[via Defamer]

British comedian Bob Monkhouse recently starred in a television spot promoting the fight against prostate cancer. The advertisers had a tough challenge in casting Monkhouse, as he’s been dead for four years.

Ad-makers blended archive footage of Monkhouse with shots of a body-double in a graveyard for the Prostate Cancer Research Foundation’s “Give a few Bob” campaign.

The script, spoken by a sound-alike, warns in typical Monkhouse one-liner style… “Let’s face it — as a comedian, I died many deaths. Prostate cancer, I don’t recommend.”

This comes as fantastic news for Stephen Dorff whose dead career is now planning a PSA warning against the dangers of “fatal douchebaggery.”

In addition, Columbia Pictures will be producing a series of advertisements for the DVD release of Leonard Part VI starring “Ghost Dad.”

Isaiah Washington is not a doctor, but he played one on TV. Until today, that is:

Washington has lost his job on the hit ABC medical drama “Grey’s Anatomy,” five months after creating a furor with his use of an anti-gay slur. … “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore,” Washington said in a statement released through his publicist.

The actor’s brave journey to unemployment began, you’ll remember, when he defended himself against charges of making insensitive comments by saying, “I would never say that T.R. Knight is a dirty disgusting homo pansy fudge-packer; I love that disgusting pervert,” or words to that effect.

What’s next for Isaiah, now that the world is his (heterosexual) oyster? According to friends, his plans include:

• Emceeing the Fred Phelps Celebrity God-Hates-Fags Telethon of Starsâ„¢
• Baby-sitting Katherine Heigl’s fuzzy Rogen-child
• Watching that “Twilight Zone” episode where the racist guy turns Jewish, over and over
• Finally speaking out about the creeping menace of Sandra Oh’s ginormous jaw
• Shooting a pilot for “Chicago Hope: Miami”
• Undergoing an experimental procedure to surgically remove his foot from his mouth, and his head from his rectum

[Cross-posted from The Cleaver]

Having successfully reared her oldest child into a well-adjusted adult, Lindsay Lohan’s mother Dina is turning her attention to her two youngest children for the first time in their lives, and she’s bringing a camera crew along with her:

Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s mother, has reportedly been given the chance to do a reality show with E! in which she will try to make celebrities out her youngest children: Lindsay’s sister Aliana, 14, and brother Cody, 11. A spokesperson from E! said the cable channel had no comment on the reports of Lohan’s show.

So, what do you think? Will LiLo’s younger sibs turn out like her, a burned-out cokehead by 20?

Or will Dina show that she’s learned from her mistakes while raising Lindsay, and be able to turn them into burned-out cokeheads by 16?

Bob Barker taped a final episode of The Price Is Right yesterday, bringing to an end a 35-year stint as host of America’s longest-running game show.

“I thank you for inviting me into your homes for more than 50 years,” Barker said in the closing moments of the show, nearly drowned out by cheers from the audience.

“This is the first time since I was 21 years old that I didn’t have a show… I’m looking forward to being bored”.

Barker continued, “In fact, I’ve been TiVoing Studio 60 all season long in preparation. Boredom is practically guaranteed.”

NBC Universal is expected to name the Pope its new studio head. While NBC U is still declining to comment, various trade publications have been predicting the announcement since early last week.

[The] Pope had also been approached about other offers, but ultimately decided NBC made the most sense.

The “other offers” the Pope was approached about included managing Lindsay Lohan, programming development for the CW and forgiving Stephen Dorff for making Space Truckers. He remains confident that he made the right choice.

What does the announcement mean for NBC? “In some ways, Pope’s new title won’t change anything,” one insider reported. “Fall programming will remain the same, except that kid on Heroes will have his power changed to oily-nakedness.”

“Having watched an advance DVD of the first three hours, I can offer a mini-review: two thumbs up. Up my own eye sockets.” [Slate]

“If I get this in your glass, I am the ruler of the universe.” [The Sneeze]

“Giuliani, the most rat-faced and most-married of all the former mayors of New York, is now running for President on a platform that his advisers refer to as Operation Two-Faced Gay-Traitor, which is intended to convince national voters that clearly he will use any opportunity to seize power and then turn this country into a morally-pure fatherland united in opposition to both the filthy Arabs and anyone who doesn’t want to have sex with Judith Regan—a transformation he can effect in just under ten days, unless he’s too busy cheating on a wife or committing incest.” [Gawker]

… and most importantly:

“GO TO HELL!! DAMN HUMAN!!” [Engrish.com]

Jimmy Fallon, once considered America’s Next Top Smirker, has increasingly let his partying ways interfere with his other partying ways. Said Fallon:

I barely made it to the Kentucky Derby because I ended up going to a frat party until five in the morning the night before. I went to this nice tuxedo party at a mansion and as me and my girlfriend were leaving … I said, ‘So where’s the party at?’ … So we ended up playing beer pong until five in the morning.

Fortunately, the Fever Pitch star was able to curtail his impromptu post-drinking drinking in time to arrive at the Derby and begin his post-post-drinking drinking.

Friends fear this may be part of a continuing pattern; one associate recalled “the time Jimmy stayed up too late drinking and ended up missing the bus to the rest of his career.”

NBC has just named 36-year-old wunkerkind Ben Silverman as the new Chairman of its entertainment division.

The smart-dressed Silverman is best known for taking foreign shows, such as “Ugly Betty,” “The Office” and “The Biggest Loser,” and developing them for American TV audiences.

NBC was inspired to make the move after Silverman told them the BBC had just named young beau brummel Nigel Goldstein as its head of programming.